Girls are burning with optimism’s flame.
Gamed the system, Miss Pessimism’s claim to fame is:
That she knew me back when.
Trees fall in the forest, I’m all about the zen.
Got a yen for y’all and a lust for life.
Took two in the morning, took a third for a wife.
Third time’s the charm, got a four-alarm fire.
Plead the fifth, get my drift, arouse ire.
Aspire to greater heights, where mighty mites tremble,
Can’t nip these ankles, I never dissemble.
That means “lie,” some-a y’all better look it up.
Tectonic plates about to subduct
got nothing on me, I’m deep like Dante.
Open more doors than Monty.
Get caught in this maze, I ate all your cheese,
Set phasers on “stun,” catch this disease.
Can’t match my release, I never get sacked,
Unfair like the 12th man, that’s just the facts, Jack.
Maximum wage for the minimum work,
Never choke my chicken, I put on the jerk sauce,
get tossed like a Caesar salad,
Like a one-hit wonder gonna sing this ballad
Over and over till the hooks get pallid,
Foul is fair and fair is fouled.
Just fouled out but I don’t play Hack-a-Shaq,
Ref blew the whistle, illegal crackback.
Stack up my sins till they reach sky-high,
Anointed with ointment, I am the fly.
Sigh—not another plain white rapper;
But me, I’m eponymous, like Charles R. Crapper!
He invented the toilet, I reinvented myself,
Flush with success, I reinvent wealth.
It ain’t about Kristal and finger sandwiches,
More PBR and sloppy joe manwiches.
Damn, got switched, separated at birth,
Fell from Graceland back to earth.
Surfed a tsunami, got me some yoni,
But stuck with tuna, ‘cuz the phony baloney went bad
right about when I got good.
Wood in the morning never misunderstood.
Foot on the table, nine inches underneath it.
Got good genes that my daddy bequeathed me.
Y’all can’t see it, keep it rolled up beneath me,
Made all the girls swear they’d never leave me.