My Asian carp is the pride of the hood,
Local fish made good, locovore withstood.

No stomach can stomach it, bony and briny,
Felonious skunk of the sea, never drunk on Hennessey,
He only lives for lake water:
Sagautuck here he comes, fishmonger hide your daughters
Bustin’ through defense like a fish Walter Payton
Watery payback of an Asian invasion.
No way to elude his 80-pound weight.
Poison, electric fences? Y’all too late.

His main buds kudzu and zebra mussel
Are coming at you, so prepare for a tussle.
You can fuss and fight, but this carptastic plague
Is falling like night, no way to turn the page back.
The Chicago lobster hits like a mobster
Whacks Gs like Joe Pesci, Fuggedaboutit.
Smacks heads, it’s getting messy—Don’t ever doubt it.